A Little Bit of Me

  When P.T. Barnum loses his job after the company’s bankruptcy, he sets out to finally give his family the life he promised them by reinventing himself as ‘The Greatest Showman’.   He starts putting together a circus, trying to create a show like nobody’s ever seen before. But for a unique show, he’ll need unique performers unafraid to stand out – after all, no-one ever made a difference by being like everyone else.  Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Michelle Williams and Zendaya star in ‘The Greatest Showman’, a soaring musical with songs by the Academy Award-winning songwriters behind ‘La La Land’.   The Odeon Cinema  It was one of those films that i heared everyone talking about, about how amazing the soundtrack was. I know I’m late to the party but I’m glad I got there in the end. Released on 26/12/17 I thought going tonight 31/01/18 that it would be a quiet cinema. Boy was I wrong. The local cinema sold out and the on that we did make it to was near enough fool. Hugh Jackmans cha

I have always known that the sun does damage to your skin. Whether it be damage we can see or damage that we cant. But like many people I have never worn a spf every day and I really want that to change. Even doing a photography course and seeing the damage done to my skin, it still didn’t spur me on to do something about it. Or my dad having to have part of the tip of his nose removed because of damage caused by sun. I still didn’t do anything to help my skin. I’m a Scottish lass with fair skin, dark blonde hair and have freckles. You’d think I’d know better about looking after my skin. But since noticing a couple of new freckles appear due to a couple of days where my face got burnt I now really want to find something that I will use everyday and now that I am protected. I don’t want to be years down the line and have the same issues as my dad has had because I wasn’t looking after myself.  So I want to find a spf for my face that I can use every day. Anyone got suggestions?

  I have always struggled with confidence, whether it be in my body or my abilities. It has always been a massive stumbling block. I have always been told from a young age that I was good at art but I have never thought I had any real ability. Yes I can copy things and make designs out of pre-cut / designed papers. But I have never been able to just sit and come up with drawings. Or have the ability to just sit down with a sketchbook and see what comes out of my brain. You would thinking having different “issues” with mental health something might of surfaced.   I have been living at my parents for nearly two years and the confidence / belief in myself that I could live by myself is holding me back from finding a new place. To move on from everything that has happened.   I know there will always be those days when my body confidence will be an issue (we all have those days) but the anxiety and feelings I have about those days for me really don’t help.   To even think about working r

  I went to a spa for the day is something that I never thought I would write or say. I am not a girly girl. I’m all for self care and am realising that I need to do more of it.  To say I was skeptical before going was an understatement. The thought of spending the day sitting by a pool, using the sauna etc was something that I thought I might find boring. I am used to walking around a pool with the volunteering i do but the thought of me being the one in the costume judging myself and thinking that others were judging me was something that was getting my anxiety rising.   Thankfully it wasn’t just me there today, there was a group of us. I also started a book - Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by  Gail Honeyman. I didn’t get very far into the book but what I did read I liked.   Sitting having our high tea in front of everyone that came into the hotel (as it was right beside reception) didn’t help with the feelings of being judged as our party were all in robes. The thoughts goin

A topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on. But more so during January and getting ready for summer holidays.  I have always had issues with my body “if only my boobs were smaller or my tummy was flatter” to name but a couple of issues but over the last few weeks I have caught myself looking at weight loss and things that would help it. But also the fact that if I really did start watching what I was eating it could go the other way in the form of disorders and that freaked me out. The fact that I could be standing in the middle of a chop looking at things that might “help” yet in my head freaking out about it at the same time.   Now I have never been a small girl. I’m a size 18/20 - 22/24 dependant on the cut of some clothes. And 5ft 9 in height so not the best of mixes. It has taken me until now to get semi comfortable with the size of clothes that I have to buy. But there is always the doubting part of me that questions whether i look ok. When the other part of me is tryin

  So the past few days have been hard mentally and are taking there toll. On Wednesday it should of been my husbands birthday and as per tradition I went away for a couple of days. It was one of the things that I wasn’t gonna give up on, and I will be going away again for the two year anniversary of his death.  Some people questioned whether it was the right thing for me to do and in answer to them. Yes I think it was. Yes I may have ate a LOT of the wrong food, paid the effects of it. I may have missed having him with me when I went to see the new Star Wars film (better late than never) and missed him talking about it for the rest of the night. Actually more like the rest of the week.   I may have gone away by myself but I honestly do think it was what was needed. To have the self care time at the end of each day and buy things that I really didn’t need. BUT to go away was our thing and I wouldn’t change it.   Mentally it has been hard, grief + anxiety + negativity are a bad comb

  My name is Kerry and I became a widower at 32.  That sentence is something that I never thought that I’d be writing yet alone saying. Nearly two year ago I lost my husband at 32 to cancer and a form of pneumonia. It was the second fight against cancer for him in his life time and this one just became to much.   He was a disabled swimmer (represented Scotland) and a badminton player. So to say he was active was true. But a year before everything happened things started to change and my gorgeous husband started to slow down. Bothered by headaches and struggling to walk for long periods of time. Looking back we should of realised then that something was really wrong. On the night it all started he starting having seizures (10+) and ended up in the ICU in an induced coma to save his brain from damage. Aftern 48hrs he woke and then came the hard part of telling home where he was and what had happened. Later that week we got the news that the cancer was back and that there was more t

  Yesterday I had the worst food day in a long time and feel really annoyed with myself and that I want to change what I eat and find more things that will make me want to go for the “bad” foods less so that I won’t have another day like yesterday. I know I only have myself to blame for it. Does anyone else who struggles with giving into temptation feel like they are in a trance like state when they go into a shop and just go to certain parts of the store. That was what I felt like yesterday and today it annoys the hell out of me.    All I want to do is find stuff to eat that makes me want to eat it, and feel full after it. I want to give my head a talk to and tell it that it doesn’t need what I ate yesterday to feel good, there is other options. Like my mental health food is a constant daily battle. Some times I win the fight but mostly at the minute my head wins. I look in the mirror and see where the foods that I am eating are going on me and wish that they wouldn’t. I have

I’ve never had a problem getting up in the morning. I am always able to do what I need to in the mornings rather in the afternoon. I have always gone to sleep early and risen early until my husband died and now with him not being around and my change in medication a fair few times I have really struggled to get to sleep at a reasonable time and get a full nights sleep.  An audio book plays so there is noise in the background. The same two at the minute, back to back. There is only so many times you can listen to the same stories and now know it word by word. I don’t like the pitch black with no noise. The brain can do so many tricks and not in a good way. It is 23:34 and I am no where near tired. Luckily I have nothing planned for tomorrow.  Don’t get me wrong there is times when I can get to sleep but like a lot of things it comes and goes in stages. Stages when my brain just won’t shut down and gets to a point where I have to try and ground myself to bring myself back to the pres

  I really want to get back into my photography this year. To learn out to take better photographs for using on here and capturing memories as they happen. Back story - I took a two year photography course at college and scrapped through by sheer luck I think. I didn’t know it at the time but I was suffering badly with anxiety and major lack of confidence in myself and what I could achieve. That was early/mid 2000 and needless to say a lot has happened since then and the knowledge that I did have has all but gone. And the confidence got up and left a LONG time ago. So this year I want to get back to photography and start to see the world through a lense again. And hopefully use my mental health to an advantage and not a disadvantage. These three photos are examples of what the few photos I took last year.

 Last weekend I took the weekend to focus on myself and do what I wanted in regards to beauty/ self care building a routine for myself.  I have always felt guilty saying that I am just taking time for me and that I will be doing such and such for me. I am in the family home at the minute so there is four sometimes five adults in the house so taking the time for me is sometimes an issue without feeling guilty. Taking the time to use a body moisturiser (Body Shops - Fuji Green Tea) felt really good and it didn’t have an overpowering sent. But enough of a sent to let me know that every time I smelt it I knew that I had taken the time for me that morning. Making sure that my hands were well covered in hand cream (L’Occitane Dry Skin handcream) the stuff is amazing for dry hands. I also used there foot cream as well but I have to say I wasn’t to happy with the results. Yes it was good but I have tried other brands that have given better results. I also chose to use - Body Shops - Drops

So far this year .......  I haven’t kept up with the day to day challenge of 10.000steps. My sweet tooth has taken over the part of my brain that would normally say no. I have had to have my medication increased to help me cope. I haven’t found a flat to live in yet. And next week should of been my late husbands birthday. How’s everyone else’s year going so far?  To say that the year so far hasn’t had its up and downs mentally would be a lie and we are only on day 16. I would love to say that I have loads of things lined up for the year and that I’m looking forward to things happening but there is nothing and it’s taking it day by day. Do I think I’m putting to much pressure on myself - probably yes. But I have lived with this all my life and diagnosed for the last 7 and 1/2 years and am still trying to work out who I am and what I am capable of.

  I’ve been battling so long with packing up the last of mine and my husbands stuff at out flat. I know it needs done but the thought of doing it my head screams no.   It’s really annoying when you get your head in gear to do something and then with one single thought change you are saying no but can’t explain why you don’t want to do it now. The heart gets heavier and the feeling of sadness just ways you down, but you cant say why you are holding on. It’s not going to change anything.  There has been other times when I’ve been asked to do things but this wall comes down that is almost like a door with a padlock in my head. Unlocking the door and doing the thing would make me happy but my head looses the key and won’t let me through and so traps me someplace where it just doesn’t feel 100% happy. That the dark cloud over head will get darker and then thunder. Why is the sunshine not allowed?  It’s taken me till now to feel that maybe I could think about living by myself and not ha

 Both photos captured on a IPhone SE phone  Black and White or coloured. I don’t really have a preference. It depends on the time of taking the photo and what looks best for the scene that trying to capture. 

As the title suggests self care in 2018 is gonna be a topic that I will be trying so hard to stay up on. For it to be part of my daily life. I have found more this last year, taking the time to be aware of what your body needs physically and mentally really does help. A video that was posted today on You Tube (even though an ad video) brought up the subject of self care and how important it is.  https://t.co/G6V6xAVRB2  A video by Melanie Murphy @melaniietweets in conjunction with Boots and a brand they have brought out. It got me thinking how important self care is even skin care. Andabout how much more I need to be doing to look after myself. “Self care doesn’t make you selfish”  I think that is why I have concentrated so much on doing the 10,000 steps a day. Giving myself the head space away from everyone else. Even just for that hour away it was what was needed to help refocus and set new challenges for myself. It also became a challenge to get each day past with those steps c

Going into the New Year I was all for focusing on me and finding it within to move on to new chapter in my life story. I was gonna be more aware about what I was eating. Not let my ibs win. Nor my sweet tooth, In the first two days of January I have had a small panic attack. Let the weather effect my mood. Found out I was taking my pills the wrong way around and went and bought a bar of chocolate the first chance I got out the house. I had it in my head that i would start the new year with focusing again on 10,000 steps a day. I’ve missed the first two days - it’s going well. I know I can do it, but it’s the getting start again that’s the problem. Motivation NIL To me that all seems a bit of a crappy start - but hey that’s life. You deal with the hand your given. I haven’t found a new book to start either so even that goal hasn’t been started, Hoping everyone else’s days have been better