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Ocd

Obsessive compulsive disorder  

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder. It has two main parts: obsessions and compulsions.
  • Obsessions are unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in your mind. They can make you feel very anxious (although some people describe it as 'mental discomfort' rather than anxiety). You can read more about obsessions here.
  • Compulsions are repetitive activities that you do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession. It could be something like repeatedly checking a door is locked, repeating a specific phrase in your head or checking how your body feels. You can read more about compulsions here.
It is something I’ve struggled with my whole life but only officially diagnosed 9 years ago. And something that looking back really did take over every day life. 
I’ve been on medication to help with my anxiety, depression and ocd since being diagnosed. Which I know has helped, but see in the last three years the obsessions part of my ocd has gone in a whole new direction and it makes me wonder how much my mind can actually cope with. The compulsive side of my ocd is a repetitive thing. It’s checking things are the way they should be and not out of place or wrong.

I was working with my phone around my folks over the weekend and displayed a compulsion and my mum asked why I did it. And the best way I could I tried to explain. But I caught the look she gave my dad. It’s hard having to try and explain why you do something over and over until you feel it’s enough ( anywhere between 6 - 10 times on a good day ) 

It’s something I’ve got good at now seeing that it is my ocd. It appears more intrusively when I’m stressed or anxious. I’m really good and counting in odd number blocks. And the negative doubting I constantly do is hard emotionally. But would I change me? The answer is no. Because even though I struggle every day with it it is who I am. 


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