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Nearly three years - reflection


I’ve found my self lately thinking about what has actually happened over the last years and thinking about and saying thank you to people that have helped me.
I’ve heard stories of people that loose someone close to them and the friends that go with. In some respects that is true for me but in other cases the friends that were ours mutually are now mine and the friendships I have with them have grown. ( do I think they would be that way if my husband was still alive ? Answer it would be different. But they would still be part of our lives )
Other people I have met since this new life for me started and I’m grateful for everyone of them because they probably unknowingly have helped me through the hardest years of my life so far. Some of them I’ve only spoken on line to ( you know who you are ). Other friendships have been formed in person and the communication with them has helped even on the darkest of days. Each of them unwittingly helping navigate me through this journey of grief. And for that I will always be grateful.

Even thow it is nearly three years it still feels like yesterday. I still want that goofy message to appear on my phone. To hear his stupid impressions. But I cling on to those memories I do have, the pictures that each tell a story.
I still miss him like crazy but I realise now that at such a mile stone since his death, I have accepted it. Over the last few months there has been a shift in how I feel  (apart from his birthday in January) it seems easier. Don’t get me wrong I still remember everything about the 9 months in the hospital but the sadness with it has changed.
I guess I’m saying that yes it’s been hard and has tested me mentally. It’s also given me new challenges and allowed me to test myself to achieve things that I wouldn’t of done three years ago. For all the negative there has to be some positive right. It has to balance.

Note: And to the friends that will read this thank you for helping me so far. And being there when I needed someone to talk to. I apologise now if I go more weird than normal the rest of this month and the start of next. Just help me get past the 4h April and normal service will resume. Kerry

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