Skip to main content

A new side effect of grief


Something I’ve learnt recently is that at nearly three years that my body is still processing grief and finding ways to tell me when I’m struggling.

I noticed not long after my husband died that I was getting what looked like a flashing light above my eyes while in the dark. It didn’t last for long but it was happening. I’d also just been told that I had floaters in my eyes as well.
So they flashing continued but only a handful of times. I get to January this year and am having a really bad time around my husbands birthday. And one night Blackpool illuminations kicks off abouve my eyes and in the centre of my forehead.
I get seen by an optometrist that week who told me that my retina was fine. Apparently it is also a sign that there might of been an issue there. But the fact that I’m still so new on the grief journey and that it was around his birthday that it happened. It was my body telling me it was struggling and basically shouting for help.

Now I know my body’s been through a lot. But if I’m honest I didn’t know fully all the potential effects grief could have on me. And for it to still be affecting me so far past him dying.

So because I have both floaters and flashes now in my eyes and cream I have to use for dry eye. I’ve now realised I’m having to use sunglasses more even on the not so bright days. I’m looking for a decent pair now that I’ll have to carry constantly with me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nearly three years - reflection

I’ve found my self lately thinking about what has actually happened over the last years and thinking about and saying thank you to people that have helped me. I’ve heard stories of people that loose someone close to them and the friends that go with. In some respects that is true for me but in other cases the friends that were ours mutually are now mine and the friendships I have with them have grown. ( do I think they would be that way if my husband was still alive ? Answer it would be different. But they would still be part of our lives ) Other people I have met since this new life for me started and I’m grateful for everyone of them because they probably unknowingly have helped me through the hardest years of my life so far. Some of them I’ve only spoken on line to ( you know who you are ). Other friendships have been formed in person and the communication with them has helped even on the darkest of days. Each of them unwittingly helping navigate me through this journey of grief....
Post a Comment
Read more