Skip to main content

I’ve lost who I am.


I’ve lost who I am. After years fighting mental illness and then being a carer and then dealing with grief. I can honestly say I don’t know who I am and what I wanna do with my life.
Yes I volunteer twice a week. Yes I do an art class BUT more than ever i feel that it doesn’t define who I am. Because I can’t even say when asked truly who I am and what kinda jobs I would like to do. Or what I’m doing with my life.
I’m in a place by myself yet it doesn’t feel like a home.
I’ve lost my way in life and don’t even know where to start to get it back. People are looking at me for answers to questions that I can’t give. Because I don’t know me.
It’s strange to be in a body / be in this life and not be able to say this is truly who I am meant to be.


Comments

  1. Anonymous9 October 2019 at 13:29

    I'm 15 years old. I was born with HIV my mother passed away because of the HIV infection And I regret why i never met Dr Itua he could have cured my mum for me because as a single mother it was very hard for my mother I came across Dr itua healing words online about how he cure different disease in different races diseases like HIV/Aids Herpes,Parkison,Asthma,Autism,Copd,Epilepsy,Shingles,Cold Sore,Infertility, Chronic Fatigues Syndrome,Fibromyalgia,Love  Spell,Prostate Cancer,Lung Cancer,Glaucoma.,psoriasis,Cirrhosis of Liver, Cataracts,Macular degeneration, Chrons disease,Infectious mononucleosis.,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,psoriasis,Bipolar Disorder,Dementia.,Tach Disease,Breast Cancer,Blood Cancer,Colo-Rectal Cancer,Love Spell,Chronic Diarrhea,Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Stroke,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone ToxicitySyndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,OCD,Weak Erection,Breast Enlargment,Penis Enlargment,Hpv,measles, tetanus, whooping cough, tuberculosis, polio and diphtheria)Diabetes Hepatitis even Cancer I was so excited but frighten at same time because I haven't come across such thing article online then I contacted Dr Itua on Mail drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/ . I also chat with him on what's app +2348149277967 he tells me how it works then I tell him I want to proceed I paid him so swiftly Colorado post office I receive my herbal medicine within 4/5 working days he gave me guild lines to follow and here am I living healthy again can imagine how god use men to manifest his works am I writing in all articles online to spread the god work of Dr Itua Herbal Medicine,He's a Great Man.  

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nearly three years - reflection

I’ve found my self lately thinking about what has actually happened over the last years and thinking about and saying thank you to people that have helped me. I’ve heard stories of people that loose someone close to them and the friends that go with. In some respects that is true for me but in other cases the friends that were ours mutually are now mine and the friendships I have with them have grown. ( do I think they would be that way if my husband was still alive ? Answer it would be different. But they would still be part of our lives ) Other people I have met since this new life for me started and I’m grateful for everyone of them because they probably unknowingly have helped me through the hardest years of my life so far. Some of them I’ve only spoken on line to ( you know who you are ). Other friendships have been formed in person and the communication with them has helped even on the darkest of days. Each of them unwittingly helping navigate me through this journey of grief....
Post a Comment
Read more