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Exercise

The one word that puts the fear of god into me. I don’t do any sort of exercise and I know I’m suffering for it.
I’ve never been one of those people that has been keen at anything sports related.  It always comes in stages. I will try something for a while and then my brain goes NOPE. I’ve no one to be accountable to. I don’t even see it as being accountable to myself.
More recently I’ve been wanting to do something but not have it about doing exercise but about getting stronger. Because I fight mentally everyday I feel that physically I should be strong.
As I write this my brain takes me back to bullying at high school. So it shows where my heads at with it. Exercise / getting / healthy is just another fight and I guess I’m saying I don’t have the fight to make it a priority and that’s sad.
I would love to get back in the water - but the fear of being judged is stopping me. I would love to at least try a games of tennis or badminton without feeling like I’m rubbish. I would love to pick up weights and feel like I’m improving.
And before anyone says anything I know it’s a mind set. Get in the right frame of mind and it will help. Being more active will help your mental health. I get all that. But for me I have to reprogram my brain to accept it. And that’s not straight forward.

So here’s to 2019 the year I might find a love for exercise and get stronger physically

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