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Why I’ve not posted in a while


So it’s been a while since I post on here. Did anyone even notice that I was gone?  I’ve been struggling with internal thoughts and how they make me think and how I’m perceived.

( even writing this is hard because thinking about it and writing about it is making me anxious )

Right here goes.

For a long time i have struggled with the thoughts that I don’t have any friends and that the way I am perceived counts against me. Ever since school when I truly lost contact with my best friend I’ve felt that I have been unable to keep anyone interested in me. I’ve talked about it before. I was the loner kid at school, able to come in and out of groups of people and not even be noticed. And those negative thougths have continued till present day. Some times a lot more negative than others.
So these last few weeks has been one of the harder times and it has been tiring to even try and fight it if I’m honest.
If anyone has noticed there has been a problem with me then it’s only coz I’ve let my guard down - which I did with someone that new my late husband and it reduced me to tears.
You see that’s another thing I’ve been struggling with feeling very lonely not having anyone about, the things I volunteer with, all bar one are off for the summer. So in that respect I don’t even have that  regularity. The distraction from the inward thoughts even if it is for a few hours a week.
The anxieties have been bubbling ( touch wood not at panic stages ) they make there presence known and that is always hard to deal with, even when I’m mentally ok.,

It makes me so sad reading as I write this but it’s my life. I’ve been through a bad time and am hopefully coming out the other side. Putting on a happy face when inside all you want is a hug or even a decent cry.

Comments

  1. Saralivo17 July 2018 at 20:39

    Hi Kerry,
    Hope everything is ok with you. I hadn't seen you on Twitter for a while so just wanted to check in and see how you were doing xx

    ReplyDelete

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