Skip to main content

I must be the only one that doesn’t like summer holidays


So this week everything finishes for the summer and it means a lot of the things I volunteer with are shutting for six weeks while the schools are on holiday.
Growing up I always used to like the holidays. Six weeks of no school and a holiday to look forward to. And getting away for the people that bullied me and the negative thoughts that school brought. As I’ve grown older and more so latterly it has just been the weeks that I don’t have a routine of place to be and people to interact with.
I’ve gotten so used to my volunteering and the people with it, it’s not till it takes a break that you realise how much you come to rely on the weekly interaction as part of your schedule. Even the art class that I go to is off for the holidays so I don’t even have that as part of my routine.
It gives an unease knowing what’s coming and the uncertainty of every day. Part of me would love to look forward to it. Making so many new memories and being around friends. The fact that I don’t have a lot of close friends or even friends makes it a lonely memory making place. There is only so much you could do with family before wanting the time by yourself.
The negative part of my brain has truly kicked in now with lots of unwanted thoughts so I’m gonna finish this here before the thoughts become to much.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

When another blog makes you think

       https://the-true-me.co.uk/index.php/2018/06/26/just-be-you/ When I first read this post it spoke so much to me. Being just a couple of years older a lot of what was written could of been written by me but in the female form.  I’ve let so much define me and given myself so many labels that i have lost track of who I truly am and what I am about. Growing up I didn’t fit in and was bullied and let it define me. I have never seen myself as having friends. No one that I could turn to if I just needed a chat.  One label that until eight years ago I didn’t know I had was mental health sufferer, it’s one I’m glad to have now. It doesn’t define me but it is making me start to accept me.  I’ve tried to please everyone without pleasing myself. I hope that choices I make from now on are for me and not everyone else.  Life’s to short. 
Post a Comment
Read more