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My weight.


I’ve never been one who fully got into exercising. I would try something for an amount of time and then that was it. It look me long enough to accept that I was a “big” girl and that clothes size doesn’t matter, that if it’s something you like then it doesn’t matter what size works best.
I’ve always fluctuated with my weight, from one extreme to another. I like my food. I like chocolate - sometimes a little to much. ( dependant on my mental health and whether I have will power )
I don’t see the point in being really thin, or taking the exercising or food tracking to the extreme. In fact that is one of my fears in regard to my ocd, whether I start something and it goes to such bad extreme that the rituals and anxiety get to much.
And yes before anyone says anything I know some sort of exercise would be good for my mental health but fighting the negative side of my brain is hard work - your being judged, why you doing this? What’s any of it going to achieve are three of many many thoughts that I get.

The point of all of what’s written is that I saw a photo of myself today and I didn’t think I was back there again. I know the last few months at least have been hard but I just wish that I could get control of it. But that photo has been playing on my mind a lot and all the negative thoughts from years gone by are starting to resurface and I honeslty don’t know if I can do that fight again.

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