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A lonely day - when grief and mental health work together


Bare with me I don’t know if this will make sense but today has been a day of realisation.

For the first time since my hubby died over two years ago I was sitting in my flat and felt so alone. I’ve been away places by myself before but something today made it hit home so much that in that flat I am alone. He isn’t gonna walk through the door and give me a hug. I am. Or able to message him and ask him to bring something from the shops.
In the ti e since he died I have always been around somebody. I’ve stayed with my parents so there has always been one around during the day. So I have never been truly alone. Even thow I would take myself off to my room I knew they someone was always down stairs. Today that all changed and a real pang of sadness took over me. I didn’t fully recognise the build up of feelings ( to be honest I wasn’t really looking for any ) but when it fully hit and I realised what it was and why, I actually left the flat.
Turning my back on it and walking away I felt so much loneliness and sadness inside. You see I had also been dealing with the not so subtle fight that was happening at the same time in my head that I have no friends. That no one ever wants to spend time with me. Take the time to actually get to know me. So that massive negative fight plus the feelings going on with being alone. I actually felt like it was gonna over come me completely.
I’m not afraid to say I got to my parents house and went straight to my bed and promptly fell asleep. Guessing my body didn’t wanna be part of the fight and switched itself off to protect itself.

I am still feeling lonely as I write this but not as badly as during the day.

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