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The last couple of days 3/4/5-04-2018


To say that these last few days have been hard mentally is an understatement. I’ve had so much mixed emotions that I had to play out and in some cases fight.
It’s not until you properly have to look at things around you that you see how alone you are, even with family around. The hurt in my heart and the longing to stop the feelings of dread at times took over. With the negative thoughts of self harm rearing there ugly head just to get the pain to go away. I’m glad to say I won the internal fight not to harm, so that was one to me.
I hate having to explain why I make the effort to go away each time a birthday or anniversary comes around or that why I just can’t make it like any other day. Because I need time to myself it’s seen as an issue that some people just don’t understand.
I’ve come away from the last few days more tired than when I left if that’s even possible.

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