Skip to main content

So when you moving out ????

  Is it strange that one question can put the fear of god into me. Yes I have the new place and yes as of  tomorrow I will have wifi. The fridge freezer isn’t set up and I have no washing machine. But everyone is asking when am I gonna move in.
I thought the hardest part about moving on would be giving up the old place, yet I feel it maybe now actually moving into the new.
I’ve been living with my folks for ages and one now not so subtly asked so when do you get power in the new place?  And then a look to me that told me everything I needed to know. I always said I would do a gradual move in. Go for a night maybe two and then build it up from there. Mentally I don’t think going straight it and feeling so overwhelmed would be right for me.
It’s a place that doesn’t feel like mine and that I think that isn’t helping either. To move into some where that doesn’t have him and doesn’t feel like mine is hard. How do you explain that to someone when they ask if you’ve moved and look at you with “that “ look when you explain not yet.

I will get there, I know I will. But like everything else with me these days it’s baby steps. Whether other people like it or not.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

When another blog makes you think

       https://the-true-me.co.uk/index.php/2018/06/26/just-be-you/ When I first read this post it spoke so much to me. Being just a couple of years older a lot of what was written could of been written by me but in the female form.  I’ve let so much define me and given myself so many labels that i have lost track of who I truly am and what I am about. Growing up I didn’t fit in and was bullied and let it define me. I have never seen myself as having friends. No one that I could turn to if I just needed a chat.  One label that until eight years ago I didn’t know I had was mental health sufferer, it’s one I’m glad to have now. It doesn’t define me but it is making me start to accept me.  I’ve tried to please everyone without pleasing myself. I hope that choices I make from now on are for me and not everyone else.  Life’s to short. 
Post a Comment
Read more