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Moving day


Well today’s the day. All my stuff gets moved and then the empty shell of a flat is seen. And it feels like seeing it will represent me. Empty.

The weather isn’t the best as I write this. Grey and over cast seems only right for today.
Trying to be positive and see the good of it. As everyone keeps telling me, the new place is a new start. It will help. It feels like I’m turning my back and walking away on the life that I had.
I look at my scar on my arm and am reminded that it’s part of my life. The pain of trying to b Erin control when everything around you is just so different.
There has to be something for that gut feeling of seeing all the things you own getting taken out of your home one by one, and sometimes in pieces for it to majorly pull at you heart and make an even harder day harder.
Did I want to take one second and scream that It was all to much and that I wanted it to stop. Of course I did I’m human. Did I play so much candy crush that I got bored of it. You guessed it YUP! and didn’t even get passed the bloody level that I was on.
Seeing my things in another flat feels SO weird. It doesn’t feel like it’s mine. At the minute my life is in boxes and I don’t really want to tackle it because then it’s like the chapter that I left of my life has disappeared and the new one is writing itself.
Isn’t it funny how the stress of moving on can trigger so much and leave you feeling like you so aren’t in control. Tomorrow is a new day on the self harm side of life. But that’s the way of it. Each day as it comes right.

Im writing this at 10.40 having been up since 5.30 afraid and anxious. And yet I still don’t feel like I want to sleep. I feel like I should try but part of me wants to look for anything to not make my new flat feel like it’s a widows flat and the other wants to loose herself in YouTube. It could be a long night

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