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This mood ain’t good


This last week being in the house and due to the snow and only getting out when the weather eased for a bit has I’m afraid to say really not helped my thought process and how I’m seeing myself. The negative train of thought that has been happening hasn’t been the best and the anxiety about the future without J in it and how’ll cope is really at the fore front of every hour /day.
My confidence in what I can do is at a low and the comfort eating is building. I hate being judged on it ( or at least feel like I am ) but that is where my head is.
Yes we are all allowed comfort days, days of not doing anything or days / times to specifically look after ourselves. But I can’t even say it’s that because it’s just me pure not having an inkling to do anything and it annoys me once I realise.
Appointments and things I had planned got cancelled and that didn’t help the mood either. It was a goal I had set myself and to not be able to achieve it put a whole negative on things.
If I wasn’t staying at my folks I know I would be in bed for most of the time and not eating the best.

I usually can’t see the “episode” until near the end or after it has happened. And that is the point right now. I’m not fully out of it and might go back into it. My confidence is at a low, I can’t even 100% to the techniques taught to me to see what actually started this all.
The constant good day / bad day is tiring. It’s sometimes hour by hour. At the minute I’m not winning the war on my mental health.


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