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Hitting the lows - grief + depression



Today has been one of the harder days.

Getting asked to present my husbands memorial trophy at a competition today was out of the blue as I was gearing myself up to present it next month instead. I know it was the right place to do it today and that for me to do it was the right thing. It massively threw me off balance and resulted in me trying so hard to stop a panic attack happening. You see he should of been at that event, he should of been playing.
Walking past his coach and uttering the words “I’m going to cry” was the best thing I could of done because he made me stop and speak. And when I went back to the competition it was him that made sure to speak to me and try and focus my attentions on other things than the way my heart was racing and the fact that I really wanted to burst out crying.
As recommended by the Dr I am seeing someone connected to the samaratins once a month and chatting about everything. Needless to say I burst out in tears when it was just the two of us. Explained that even though I was still getting out the house and doing things nothing was giving me pleasure if anything it was making me worse. That I’m back to being really low and not getting a decent sleep. So on her advice I will be booking an appointment to get meds reviewed again.
Depression on its own is hard to deal with but add grief as well and it’s a whole other level of fight, One that sometimes wins
I know that tomorrow is another day and all that but at the min I still have the night to get through. And getting to sleep even though I’m tired is the next and last challenge of the day.

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