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Grief

“Another Friday. Another week gone. Another week further away from the last time we saw her. Every week I feel a bit stronger, but each week I miss her more” Simon Thomas

It’s two years next month for me and what’s written up sums up really well how I feel. There has been so much happen since the last time we saw J, so much that he would of been right in the middle of without a doubt.
It only feels like yesterday that he died. When he first died although it was expected it was on his term so it was quick. He told us when. The loss of someone that held us all together hit us all. He was supposed to be here annoying us all with his stupid impressions but he wasn’t.  I say it all the time but if I wasn’t on my medication it could of been a whole different story as to how I coped. But it helped, and I’m not afraid to say that I am on medication for my mental health that is helping with the grief as well.
The feeling of being alone is horrible. Loosing your soul mate is hard. So many things planned yet cut abruptly short. The nights hardest. When the thoughts / fears take over and you have no one to talk to about it. So you are in an empty flat that should be filled with happiness but feels like there is a dark cloud over it.
Lost in your thoughts of your loss and the anxiety and depression that are trying to rear there heads again it feels like a vicious circle that you can’t get out of. When you don’t know what way to turn or how the 1sts will make you feel. When baby steps / day by day become your words. When life goes on for everyone but you want to just stand and scream and say what about me, what about J ?? I should have my partner with me. He should be beside me.

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