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Feeling guilty about medication increase


During the week I was advised to see my dr and get my medication checked and possibly increased. When your head is in a sad negative place you do what is suggested.
It seems that I had hit another stage in my grief process and that with the depression was making me a mess. The dr wasn’t to keen on giving me an increase in my meds as she saw it as the grief. She thought it would be better for me to run through it and play out what I was feeling.
To be at that point tired of it and looking for help that answer wasn’t really the best. I felt like telling her to do a day with all these thoughts and feelings going on in her head and see if she wanted to play it out.
She suggested after talking that I go up another slight dose instead of double the dosage. So that night I started adding the extra a tablet to that that I already take. To be honest as soon as I took it I felt guilty. Feeling like I was not wanting to feel the pain and loss in the full amount of the week. Feel like I was shutting the sadness out of loosing my husband.
The increase has eased the thoughts and darkness in my head and I feel guilty about it. Am I not able to even cope with life that I have to get a meds increase ? What does that even say about me ? I’m now thinking about stopping the extra meds and try and deal with everything. I’m just on anxiety alert as to what it might do to me mentally.
The fact that I have to rely on medication at all I think shows how weak I am mentally and how I cant cope with daily life.

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