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Feeling alone in a crowded room


Feeling alone in a crowded room is something that I have always struggled with. It can be a social gathering that I know people at yet to me I still feel very much alone. You see I’m not good at starting or keeping a conversation going. The thought of being the one that everyone looks at sends the anxieties high and me running out the room.
So as everyone talks I stand quiet, afraid to say the wrong thing or be judged.
Can you ever truly block out the noise of so many conversations? The answer is no. The noise just gets louder in your head and conversations all blend into one. And trying to focus and look interested gets harder.

Do I like my own company? I’ve learnt to.
Do I wish that the obsessive parts to being social weren’t so mentally tuff?  ........ I know nothing else.

I have a real longing to be seen and have a decent group of friends but how can I have that if 1. I don’t do well in groups and 2. I can’t truly open up about how I’m feeling without fear.
Loneliness is hard on every level. Being in a room of people yet still feel that you aren’t seen.

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