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Depression and me


We have not had the best of relationships. It’s the unwanted guest at a party or the animal that you find but only because of its smell.
The last seven and half years have been the hardest fight that I have had mentally. Just the depression on its own it might of been easier to handle but pair it with anxiety and ocd its a horrible concoction.
I was put on Venlaflaxine at different amounts up and down while my body got used to it.
Looking back on my years growing up depression has always been my shadow and wrapped itself tighter and tighter around me. Pulling st my heart and head with such force that at times it got to much.
People who don’t have to deal with it don’t really know the daily struggle, the daily fight to even get the simplest of tasks done. When you don’t even have the energy to focus. Fighting the urge to let it win and take over me.
It comes in waves, up and down with such force that the only think I feel like doing is sleeping. The negative thoughts that go around in your head are like a bad fight with, if you aren’t able to fight it only ends up one sided and not in a good way.
To some I’m seen as procrastinating a lot, but being so so tired with the daily battle takes its toll.

It really does feel like you have a very dark cloud over your head and it has the chance of thunder and lots and lots of rain to make you feel even more miserable than you would normally. I get locked in periods of being so down that sometimes even smiling is an effort. The self doubt and constant questioning about meyself and what I’m doing are constant. There is not a lot of colour within the views that you look at sometimes it’s just black and white.

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