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2 years since you died

(I’m writing this now as I don’t think that I will be able to next week)

2 years ago I lost you.  My world fell apart and you were no longer by myside. You fought the hardest battle but in the end the fight got to much. And the fight turned then to me. The difference being where as I had been by your side through out the nine months you were no longer beside me and the fight was now a one person fight.
The hours, days months and now years without being able to hug you, speak to you or even look into your blue eyes have been tough. We were the couple that fought life together. Friends before you eventually saw sense (much to all our friends relief) I am just so thankful that we had the time that we did before and during our marriage. You were my best friend / soul mate, and without you I feel so alone.
We had so much planned for life and that night cut everything short. To see you in so much pain and not able to help hurt deep inside me. Having physically hold you down as they tried to get a needle in you for chemo was one of the worst days.
Staying with you over night the last night was something that I really don’t regret doing. I got to get scowlled at by you for crying and to say my goodbyes as I new it wasn’t going to be long. Boy did you prove me right on that front.
Picking everything for your funeral was an unreal experience and one that so soon into our marriage I wish I didn’t have to do. I hope we gave you the send off that fitted your personality.

So many things have happened since you left us and a lot you should of been involved in. I felt like I was looking for you to arrive but you never showed. Things that you would of been my rock for, I had to do without talking to you about it. Viewing flats as a single occupancy really was a step to far at the start. Hitting home like a kick in the ribs that I would be on my own. Packing up our stuff getting ready to move and the memories slap me in the face.
I’m not gonna lie there has been bad days and the mental health has given me a battering. But I promised you I would be ok.
Holidays without you were surreal, we should of been going places together. Yet at times like that I’m reminded that you would no longer be experiencing life.
But through all of the things that has happened it still feels like only yesterday that you died. I miss you so much and will always love you.

Gone but not forgotten

24-01-1984 - 04-04-2016

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