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My week - good / bad and mental health

This week hasn’t been the best in a very long time. 

I started the week good, finally having the want to try and draw my husband and then had the crazy decision to post it on social media. Something I wouldn’t of had the confidence to previous.
Getting compliments on it and my abilty definitely made me smile.
Then getting another compliment from a guy that I respect about how well I am with my mental health was another step forward because I thought that it had been letting me down.
Valentines - something that me and my husband used to get involved with. With it not even being two years since he died the feelings of being alone and really sad with it were really hard to handle. I even ended up crying in the car which isn’t like me at all. Needless to say trying to sleep that night wasn’t the best. Over thinking during the night (imaging things that weren’t there)
Finding out on Thursday that councillor is leaving the service and that instead of the number of meetings I thought I had left - had got my head around to that fact, it has now been cut down drastically. I don’t like change, not that quickly. Leaving that session early by choice rather than being told I could. It was anxiety over load as I sat in the car by myself. Realising with shock that I wouldn’t have support for the 2nd anniversary it felt like I was getting fed to the wolves and having to cope by myself.
I’ve been looking for a place and had found one, the only downside being I am labelled with dss which means if any landlord has had a bad experience with someone who is on dss then we are all deemed the same. I passed a flat that I had been waiting to hear about to see the sign say let by. No one had phoned. Great start to the day that was. So much disappointment in myself for having that attached to me but at the minute thee is nothing I can do about it.
I’ve also found more and more that being in big crowds is another thing that brings my anxiety on a lot more and thinking that everyone around me is talking about me and staring at me. It totally drains me mentally when you feel like you are concentrating on that more than what you actually went out to do. 

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