Skip to main content

The next couple of weeks

The festive season is turning up the dial and will be in full swing within the next week.

For me that means dealing with anxiety that I know may get to much. It also means dealing with things that might get me down.
A meal with my late husbands family will always bring home that he is no longer here and hasn’t been for some time. It’s a case of finding the strength. There will always be that big elephant in the room when ever we meet. Hopefully it behaves itself this time or there will be words said.

A Christmas party over night with family and all the people that I know but with still an air for me of judging myself and once the dancing starts a wish to head straight to bed. Not a chance to let your head win but sometimes it always does. A black cloud building that could rain on my party.

And the biggest of the couple of weeks. I leave for a three day trip by myself and at the minute I really don’t know how I feel. It’s the first time away by myself and dealing with everyone that intails. With the anxiety more than likely on high and I really hope that it doesn’t put a damper on anything. If I can get through the days away and show myself that I can do it then it will be a huge confidence boost that I can take into the New Year.

The overall thing that will be on my mind will be that a family member is ill in hospital. The guilt is already building about going away but I know they would want me to. But that doesn’t stop it being there.

Here’s to the next couple of weeks and everything that it has to offer.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Self care during the good and bad days

So something I've learnt over the last 6 1/2 years since being diagnosed and the death of my husband that self care really helps during the good and bad times. Over this time I have tried many things and found what does and doesn't work for me.  https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-gb/range/view-all/tea-tree-skin-clearing-facial-wash/p/p000039 This stuff has been great for my skin. I got the 400ml bottle and my goodness it is worth the money as you really don't need a lot. And then smell for me is a really calming smell which also helps.  http://uk.loccitane.com/shea-butter-hand-cream--travel-size-,83,1,29776,1030671.htm   I've tried a lot of different hand creams previously and was recommended to try them from here. To say I was impressed was an understatement. It covers so well. You really don't need a lot and it really works on dry hands.  It may seem a bit pricy to some but i think it's worth it for the way it left my hands feeling.  Carmex lip
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing with that I am aw
Post a Comment
Read more

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me
Post a Comment
Read more