Skip to main content

Christmas day - Sarah Millicans #joinin

I have to be honest, going into Christmas Day I was doing so with a heavy heart and not sure of the way he day would be.
If you’ve ready any of my other posts you’ll know that I lost my husband nearly two years ago, so weas going into today with it being the second of him not being around. Secondly I lost my gran last week (the funeral is tomorrow) so that was all to close for all of my family. Needless to say none of us were in the mood for celebrating. Even in our case having a traditional lunch.
As I sat in the morning the pang of not having the two that were missing around was really real. I felt like I was trapped in my body and not able to communicate. That feeling lasted for most of the day but was worst in the morning. It honestly did feel like I had something pulling heavily down on my heart.
Sitting amongst my family and feeling like I could talk more freely on my phone without upsetting anybody. Thats where Sarah Milligan’s #joinin helped today. Being able to send a simple tweet and say how I was feeling when not able to say it out loud really helped. Having my phone light up with people replying to my posts lifted my mood to some end because I knew that I could talk and I wasn’t being judged just offered support from people that were there to be part of something and not feel lonely.
I should say that I suffer from depression, anxiety and ocd and more regularly these days I’ve felt alone within a group / my family so for Sarah to orchestrate the hashtag for today really helped. And I really hope she knows how much.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Self care during the good and bad days

So something I've learnt over the last 6 1/2 years since being diagnosed and the death of my husband that self care really helps during the good and bad times. Over this time I have tried many things and found what does and doesn't work for me.  https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-gb/range/view-all/tea-tree-skin-clearing-facial-wash/p/p000039 This stuff has been great for my skin. I got the 400ml bottle and my goodness it is worth the money as you really don't need a lot. And then smell for me is a really calming smell which also helps.  http://uk.loccitane.com/shea-butter-hand-cream--travel-size-,83,1,29776,1030671.htm   I've tried a lot of different hand creams previously and was recommended to try them from here. To say I was impressed was an understatement. It covers so well. You really don't need a lot and it really works on dry hands.  It may seem a bit pricy to some but i think it's worth it for the way it left my hands feeling.  Carmex lip ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more