A Little Bit of Me

Growing up my mum always had a “practical “ advent calendar. One that you filled yourself so we got new hair clips, pens, smellies, mini notepads that was always fun because it was filled with stuff that she knew we needed. And as I’ve grown with knowledge of my mental health and taking time for myself it got me wondering the question ............ So as in the previous post I asked, Is the beauty product advent calendars worth there money if they make you take time out of your day to focus on you? After thinking about that question and seeing what else was available it did make me wonder more that maybe if the calendars were more realistic in price than the sky rocket price they are then I may of got something other than a chocolate one. But as it was I went for a gluten free chocolate calendar. Because one it was within my price range and two the thought of having something advent wise was better than nothing. I got advised to go gluten free middle of this year so I thought I’d

It has always been on bucket list to see a proper big Christmas market. To see how other countries do it different to what I’m used to (Edinburgh is my nearest big Christmas market) I can’t believe that it is nearly time. It seems like it was yesterday that I booked the flights instead of 3+ months ago. It’s bitter sweet now and I don’t feel like i want to fully get happy about going. A family member got some bad news this week from the hospital and I feel like I should be around. But I know they would want me to go. They know how happy I was about booking it. It just makes the build up to it down beat compared to what it could be, It’s the first time I will be going away by myself and because of everything else I’m surprised my anxiety hasn’t been higher with the build up to flying. I want to see if I can do this. A massive triggering trip. That will challenge everything that I know and how I handle it.

I know it’s not the result that any of us wanted. I don’t want you to go. Life is so unfair. But I don’t want you to be in pain. The thought of you physically not being around soon is something I don’t want to have to think about. You have been the centre of everything all my life and knowing that maybe you might not make it to next year is hard. You will definitely be missed. You are loved so much. Today in every sense reminds me of a year and half ago and that makes things so much harder. Reliving what I went through with J again is like its only just happened. Things are only gonna get a lot harder. To be brave is sometimes the hardest part.

I know I need a self care day but honestly I don’t know what to do or what I want. It’s been a bad week that’s is bringing back memories that could turn out to be negative if my head lets them. I’m not seeing the good in it all I’m seeing is the bad and the outcome at the end and hoping that the situation this week doesn’t go the same way. I have been really bad of late at making time for me and doing things for me because I’ve been doing things for other people. I know I need to look after myself but I just don’t know what to do. I feel quite low if I’m honest I just have to be aware that it doesn’t got to far.

It’s that time of year when the supermarkets try and persuade you that there products are the best in the hope that they win the Christmas war. I don’t know about anyone else but I love mince pies. But since it was suggested that I turn gluten free i honestly thought that I might loose out on them because they might not taste like what I am used to. To say I was surprised was an understatement. All that I tried still symbolised Christmas for me so on that front I haven’t lost out. Aldi’s - £1.69 for 4 as they are doing so well with other gluten free products I have to admit I had high hopes for there mince pies. The pie itself didn’t crumble when i first took a bite and was crispy and sweet. I did find that the sugar on top did end up everywhere. For me personally there was not enough of an after taste with the mincemeat. And maybe slightly less than there could of perhaps been. But over all a very good Mince Pie   Morrison’s - £2.00 for 4 The crust was thicker than e

So as the festive season approaches I find myself getting a little more anxious than usual about how I’ll be perceived on nights out. And whether I’ll be dressed in something that I don’t feel over the top dressed up in. I would love to find something that I felt great in rather than having to worry about how I looked or felt. And don’t even get me started on how anxious I’ll be about getting my makeup right. It’s so a case of winging it and seeing how it ends up. Whether I look back at photos and like what I see. I’m not one for going out that much any other time of the year but pulling myself together I make the effort around Christmas. I’d rather be wrapped up in new pjs and watching a film but I’ll go as to not disappoint. I’m ok once I get there and settled but the thought of meeting everyone first is horrible. Even if I do know them. Self care definitely needed before and after.

I listen to podcasts or audiobooks or music when I’m out walking but the podcasts I listen to are finished and there is only so many times I can listen to same song over and over. I’m starting to hit a bit of a lul with exercise so am looking for something that would help when my head says no. My headphones are broke and weren’t the best so any suggestions would be good.

I was asked to give a wish list last week with what I wanted for Christmas. Yup it’s that time again. The time where we have to thing of all things we want or have been thinking about. I don’t know about you but see trying to give a list of ideas to people gives me a complete blank. You get asked what you want and you just go .......................... Here’s a few of the things that will be on my list: Over the last year and more with family members traveling, loosing there fight with cancer or fighting illness at the minute it has got me thinking more and more about photography. How catching snippets in time are memories that will last a long time after the photo. I’ve never been one for putting photos in albums but recently I’ve been liking the idea of having all my photos in one place. http://store.hp.com/UKStore/Merch/Product.aspx?id=X7N07A&sel=PRN  this is what I’ll be hoping for to make the memories that bit quicker to get. Or extra paper for printing. I have been tr

I’m gonna give myself the challenge of trying not to let my head win and comfort eat through the whole month. I know it’s gonna be hard but I wanna see if I can do it. I have always struggled especially with this time of year and eating the wrong things. It’s a case of as the nights are darker it’s force of habit to reach for that bit chocolate or that fizzy drink. I know it’s a case of having the will power which some days are better than others but I want to try and eat healthier and eat so that I don’t suffer so much with my ibs. It’s nearly the Christmas period and like everyone else that means party’s and trying to fit into something. I want to do this for me. To see if I can not let my anxiety win. Let the journey of the month commence.