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today 16/10/2017


The weather put a big old boot in my plans for today. A day that was gonna be hard.
I should be celebrating my 7th anniversary today but yet I’m having to go through the day without my best mate by my side. He died last year and this wedding anniversary is the second without him here.

I had planned to go away for the day, a day that would be self care (shopping, food etc) but the heavy rain made it a no go. The day has been one of mixed colours in the sky and heavy rain and wind. Outside looked like I felt inside.
I have to say that also added to my mood for the day.

It had been decided that me and a family memeber would go to the cinema and to be honest I’m glad we did. For 2 hours it was the distraction that was needed. And im glad the film was good. Mind you even if it wasn’t good I wouldn’t of minded.

Going to the cinema wasn’t the distraction that I thought I was gonna get today but at least it’s better than nothing. There is always the rest of the week to make more of an effort to look after me.

EDIT : So it is 00.01 and I’m struggling to sleep. The wind is blowing a hooly outside and my brain is remembering the dream that I had last night that woke me up gasping for breath and really upset.
The dream was so real that it has obviously made my brain go into defence mode as to not make me feel like that again.

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