Skip to main content

Thoughts going around my head - rambles probably

Is it ok to feel that I’m not ready to work yet when I have people saying I should be ?
-it’s been over a year and a half since I was main carer for my late husband. I should be doing something with my days. Guilt, fear, anxiety the three main words that I associate with this thought.

How’s the flat search going? - one question that honestly puts the fear of god in me. I haven’t been back and stayed in the flat I shared with my husband since he died but as yet I haven’t been fully looking for a new place just by myself. For as much as I said that the old place didn’t feel like home after the paramedics had been in it was still our home for 6 yrs. (The whole time we were married)

Living your life as if any day could be your last. I keep saying that if my husband taught me anything then it was to live every day if it was your last but trying to do that for me there was also guilt for it everyday. Booking wee holidays so that I could see different places in the world.

Being prone to infections is something that is used against me when I said I always wanted the top of me ear pierced. I only recently got a second piercing but there has always been something in me that wanted the top of my ear done.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sales/wish list

Like many I will be doing the sales this year. But it won’t be till the end of the week (let’s hope there is stuff left) A girl can dream right, the presents that weren’t received or the things you have your eye on hoping they come down in price. For me going into 2018 there is a few things that I would like to see if they are in the sales or at least within budget due to getting money to spend. I’m going to start a fresh with 10,000 steps a day so a new set of headphones would definitely be needed as the ones I have I spend more time trying to keep them in my ears than listening to anything. I think I would also love a new jumper as I’m known for wearing the same ones until they hole. I so really need to find new things to listen to as well. With a specific present i got I’m wanting to buy a ring that can wear everyday. The money was from my grandparents and we lost my gran the middle of the month. So something to wear that reminds me of her I think might be nice. I used to alw...
Post a Comment
Read more

Physical books vs kindle

where do you stand on this question? Physical books vs kindle ? For me I’m a physical book person but can see the benefits of kindle. I love walking into a book shop and seeing all the different types of book that are available. The colours, sizes, designs and even smell makes it more appealing. Feeling the crisp pages of a new book and knowing that you will be the first person to read that, to me that is what it is all about. With a book that you can hold you aren’t worrying about the battery running out. You know that you can just pick it up and start reading. There is also something very satisfying about finishing a book and seeing it closed in front of you. Don’t get me wrong I know that having a kindle has its advantages. You don’t have to carry a extra book around in your bag for one. And that if you do finish one book you don’t have to wait to get to the shops to get another. But does having a kindle really make it feel like you are reading a book? I guess the question wi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Alone in a crowded room

   Being alone in a crowded room is something that I have been struggling with for some time. I could be sitting with a table of people and feel like it’s just them that’s at the table and that I’m not part of the table.    Would anyone notice if I got up and left ?    You try and start a conversation and the answer is giving to someone else and you aren’t even looked at when a reply is given. And with that you feel like shouting HELLO I’m here. It was me that asked the question. Are you even aware of what your doing ? Do you not see how it may look ? OR is it just my head trying to make me feel like crap. Because if it is it’s doing a really good job.     The noice gets louder and it’s sounds just like one person and not about 30. The want of putting your fingers in your ears and trying to make the sound that little bit quieter.   Sitting alone in a pub and you feel like your being judged but also very much alone. Do you interact ? ...
Post a Comment
Read more