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Thoughts going around my head - rambles probably

Is it ok to feel that I’m not ready to work yet when I have people saying I should be ?
-it’s been over a year and a half since I was main carer for my late husband. I should be doing something with my days. Guilt, fear, anxiety the three main words that I associate with this thought.

How’s the flat search going? - one question that honestly puts the fear of god in me. I haven’t been back and stayed in the flat I shared with my husband since he died but as yet I haven’t been fully looking for a new place just by myself. For as much as I said that the old place didn’t feel like home after the paramedics had been in it was still our home for 6 yrs. (The whole time we were married)

Living your life as if any day could be your last. I keep saying that if my husband taught me anything then it was to live every day if it was your last but trying to do that for me there was also guilt for it everyday. Booking wee holidays so that I could see different places in the world.

Being prone to infections is something that is used against me when I said I always wanted the top of me ear pierced. I only recently got a second piercing but there has always been something in me that wanted the top of my ear done.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.

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