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Ever feel like your programmed wrong ?

It’s something that I’ve been wondering over the last few months. Having conversation with the job centre made me wonder a lot of things.
I’m seen as able to work but don’t feel able. I have done shift work in the past and that really made me low. I’ve done 30+ hours and felt like I was cracking up.
People say I should be working but the thought of getting upset or triggering during a shift makes me anxious. I am known for putting on fronts saying ok when inside I’m really upset or worried or anxious. It has been known to result in it building up till one time it all gets to much.
I should be able to handle things that happen. It’s part of life, it’s everyday.

There is rituals that are happening and I wonder why? Why do I do these things?

People thinking that I’m coping because I’ve got so good at hiding.
I don’t feel like I can find the words to fully communicate. Mental blocks.

I may look like I’m doing ok on the outside but inside there is battles constantly.

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