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Not sure if I'm ready for September

well my birthday is in 6 days and with it the test results of a family member that will change everything from then on.
I selfishly don't want my birthday to be also the day we got the news but i don't have that say.
As I've said previously I've always got mega excited on the run up to and the day of, but I fear like out side my window at the minute the dark clouds will roll in.
Me and my late hubby always used to go away for the day for our birthdays and I'm gonna do the same this year but it's with an ache that he is not around to make me feel a whole lot better.
Nothing is gonna be the way I want it on the day and that makes me sad. I don't even think there will be cake.
To me birthdays are surprises, cake, a meal of your choice and maybe treating yourself. Let's see how much happens and how much is forgotten about

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