A Little Bit of Me

So here’s the thing. I don’t like exercise. I do one exercise class a week and that is it. The other exercise that I do is walk. For a while I was matching my target for steps each day, allowing myself days where I wouldn’t worry if I didn’t make it and sometimes forcing myself to go out. Even when the willing wasn’t there. It became my ocd challenge that I had to keep. I had to see the celebrity way my phone reacted when it reached target. One day changed that and I lost the will to start from day one again. It had gotten to the point where I was disappointed in myseof. I had broken the routine of it. My mental health took over that one day and had changed everything. (So my head was telling me) So began the cycle of not willing to reach target the next day or the day after that. That turned into a week. Looking at my chart of how my count was doing looked pathetic in my eyes because I hadn’t even got anywhere near. 5 days ago the count started again and I’m hoping I can keep up ...

where do you stand on this question? Physical books vs kindle ? For me I’m a physical book person but can see the benefits of kindle. I love walking into a book shop and seeing all the different types of book that are available. The colours, sizes, designs and even smell makes it more appealing. Feeling the crisp pages of a new book and knowing that you will be the first person to read that, to me that is what it is all about. With a book that you can hold you aren’t worrying about the battery running out. You know that you can just pick it up and start reading. There is also something very satisfying about finishing a book and seeing it closed in front of you. Don’t get me wrong I know that having a kindle has its advantages. You don’t have to carry a extra book around in your bag for one. And that if you do finish one book you don’t have to wait to get to the shops to get another. But does having a kindle really make it feel like you are reading a book? I guess the question wi...

So I'm just back from a few days away and to say I wasn't expecting my anxiety to flair would be a lie. Right from the off there were things that were triggering me and I hadn't even left the country yet. Managing the airport was better than I thought. The fact that I'd checked in before hand REALLY helped. But to say I wasn't bothered by the sheer volume of people would be an understatement. (Larger crowds always brings hightened anxiety and makes everything 10x worse)  Me being me I was there with LOADS of time to spare and try and not feel like everyone was staring at me. Luckily I got the chance to move my seat from in the middle of a three to the window that way I could see outside as well as inward.  Being met at the other end by family was a massive help because as soon as I saw them it felt like a weight had been taken off me and they could now carry it.  I will say that I did manage something pretty massive for me and that was to go out by mysel...

I have always struggled with telling the time. Changing between the 'normal' time and the 24hr clock has always made me struggle. I am a very visual person so hearing things and try to work it out has always been an issue. Clock faces that don't have the numbers on them take me longer to read. I need a clock face that has the numbers on it in any form.  Trying to work out a times for cooking is just a no for me. I can be seen standing in front of the clock on the wall counting and visualising. Even then i need my answer double checked.  I'm 34 and is still a struggle 😞

So something I've learnt over the last 6 1/2 years since being diagnosed and the death of my husband that self care really helps during the good and bad times. Over this time I have tried many things and found what does and doesn't work for me.  https://www.thebodyshop.com/en-gb/range/view-all/tea-tree-skin-clearing-facial-wash/p/p000039 This stuff has been great for my skin. I got the 400ml bottle and my goodness it is worth the money as you really don't need a lot. And then smell for me is a really calming smell which also helps.  http://uk.loccitane.com/shea-butter-hand-cream--travel-size-,83,1,29776,1030671.htm   I've tried a lot of different hand creams previously and was recommended to try them from here. To say I was impressed was an understatement. It covers so well. You really don't need a lot and it really works on dry hands.  It may seem a bit pricy to some but i think it's worth it for the way it left my hands feeling.  Carmex lip ...

In one of my earlier posts I said that I have anxiety with flying. Well tomorrow it gets tested again and there is a slight build up subconsciously already. I will be flying on my own. So going through the airport and security will be interesting. I won't be allowed (I don't think) to use what I use when anxiety is bad - I carry something in my handbag that if I need it at all I can take it out and work with it. If my brain is true to form there will be triggers and times I will need to give myself a talking to. I want to be able to get excited about going abroad and not let my mental health get in the way. I'm getting met at the other side by a family member so it isn't like I'm doing it all by myself ( that anxiety comes in December when I do go on a trip by myself . But that's a whole other post)

I've only recently been diagnosed the last year with IBS and it is horrible. I'm writing this while in bed because I really don't want to move. Are my anxietys heightened when I'm out because of it? YES Do I feel self conscious with it ?  YES Does it get me down? YES Don't get me wrong since being on medication for it it has helped but there is still times when the medication just doesn't have an effect. And at the point it's the 100m dash to the loo, hoping that I make it. Luckily I haven't yet (touch wood) had full on spasms with it. So one of the things that was recommended was going gluten free. I have to say I haven't stuck fully with it because I was told I didn't have to but for the most part it's gluten free I go for if I'm out. It is slightly dearer but if it means that I'm not having to leave for the loo 5min after I eat something that disagrees with me then that's the way it has to be. There has been an instanc...