A Little Bit of Me

Well as the New Year fast approaches I’ve been thinking about what it means for me. What the last year has brought me, what I’ve gone through. And what this next year brings. 2018 has shown me that mental health can cost you your savings when you aren’t able to work. It has pushed me to my limits and made me question myself so many times. Yet after all that I’m still standing. A little dented but here. This last year has brought the start of my art being something. I don’t know where it will take me next year but let’s see. Hopefully the self doubt will not hold me back. It has been my thing through out the year, the thing that would take me away from the negative thoughts. 2019 will hopefully mean work of some sort. I’ve not been mentally fit till now - I’m not fully there yet but I need to get an income in. I hope that I can get more of a better understanding of what I can and can’t do and to realise when I need to take time for me and look after myself. My mental health will ...

As I write this it is 2320 so still a little time left to say               MERRY CHRISTMAS I hope that it’s been a good one for you and that you have been surrounded by friends and family and if you’ve been on your own, I hope it’s been an ok day for you. For me I’ve been surrounded by family which has been nice. A couple of noticeable absences of loved ones that have past. For me today has been the dreaded day, A day that I didn’t feel anything towards, just another day. This year I’ve been struggling through December and in the lead up to the “ festive period “ I have nothing Christmasy up in my flat. And it’s another rewritten page in the new life chapters that are getting written of my life story. The day is what I imagined (as it’s the same every year) but people are gone and we are left behind. So as I close play on another Christmas I just wanted to say THANK YOU to you reading this. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

The fight is real. The fight is hard work. Please if someone is acting out of character please take a minute and ask if they are ok. It maybe the one thing that is needed. Crying without explanation, no energy, a want to sleep, feeling so emotionally drained. A few things that at the minute of writing this are things that I’m fighting. Now I know I’ve written a few blogs about my depression and sad. But I have a pull to write this after a bad night. I’ve got to a point where I’ve cried so much that I threw up  (didn’t help that I have a bad cough at the minute) I’ve slept for two hours already. I feel emotionally exhausted but I can’t see myself sleeping anytime soon. I have things happening the next few days but I’m looking for a way to get out of it and not have to speak to people. The depression alone I could / have been handling but when sad takes hold as well everything feels 10x worse. This season is definitely the hardest it’s been in a long time. With the dr acknowle...

With my mood taking a noticeable dip the last month at least looking after me has not been a priority. Taking the time to do a routine of a night that is focusing on me and how I am has been none existent. And to say my body is suffering is an understatement. One of the things I’ve learnt through my mental health journey is that taking the time for yourself each day really does help with the battle. I’m ashamed to say I’ve never really religiously followed a skin routine of a night. But since I’ve hit my 30s and especially since I ended up on the grief journey my skin has taken a real knock. Tonight I decided I would take the time to really concentrate on my night routine and really focus on taking the time to do it. It’s not until I did it di I realise how much I was needing to do it physically and mentally. It’s not a magical cure to lifting my low mood but for an hour it was something other to focus on. I just have to remember how I feel after it and not be scared to try new pr...

This year is turning out to be a hard one mentally for me in regards to the run up to Christmas. It’s the first in my new place and it really doesn’t seem right to get everything out for Christmas. I’m struggling with it being just me. Since my hubby died I’ve had the last two christmases at my parents. So having the run up and actualnday with them. This year it being just me and a lot of time to think, I’m finding myself struggling with the negative thoughts of being alone at Christmas. I have a party next week and for the fact that I’m going I know I won’t last the whole night and will end up in bed early ( I’m staying at the place ) I’ve always had the tradition of watching A Muppets Christmas Carol more than once but even the thought of that actually makes me sad this year and I really wish it didn’t. I wish that my flat felt like it was Christmas instead of just rooms. I wish that I felt like getting in the spirit. Instead of mentally fighting my dip in mood. I’m actually ...