Skip to main content

This is me - about me and my mental health


Born : 1983
Star sign: Virgo

Marital status: widowed

Mental health issues: depression, anxiety and ocd (and everything that comes with it)

My Mental Health is a huge part of me and something that effects me day to day. It’s a constant internal fight that could go either way dependent on how I am.
Was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago after telling a nurse that I wasn’t able to do the one think that I loved doing - draw. Turns out I’ve had loads of traits throughout school and adult life that weren’t picked up on. And meant that I had to suffer / get through life struggling with everything that was thrown at me but it seemed 100x worse.
Yes I’m on medication and my dosage has gone up and down throughout this very long journey that is life. I’m not embarrassed to say I’m on meds for mental illness, more embaraced for the people’s looks that I get when I say it.
Like everyone that suffers I do have triggers and new ones that keep appearing. It’s learning how to deal with them when all you want to do is get the ground to swallow you up. I’m mean there is only so many times you can count the things you have in your bag to makes sure you have everything before it becomes noticeable.
I’m not ashamed to say at this time in my life I’m learning how to be more independent and not having to rely on others for help as much. Even though I still need help with my confidence etc from time to time.

Do I have any group of friends / close friends that I can rely on - the answer is no. Does that upset me - definitely yes. I’ve judged myself so much on the fact that I’ve not been able to keep friends. Whether it is something about me and the way I am or how I’m perceived. I tell you it can be a lonely  place with those sorts of thoughts.

Can I draw and paint - yes to a degree, when my head is clear enough to let me. I could be better at it but it’s all down to practice and at the moment my head just won’t entertain that idea.

I’m slowly getting back into reading - a good book has to keep you interested right

Any other questions ?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sales/wish list

Like many I will be doing the sales this year. But it won’t be till the end of the week (let’s hope there is stuff left) A girl can dream right, the presents that weren’t received or the things you have your eye on hoping they come down in price. For me going into 2018 there is a few things that I would like to see if they are in the sales or at least within budget due to getting money to spend. I’m going to start a fresh with 10,000 steps a day so a new set of headphones would definitely be needed as the ones I have I spend more time trying to keep them in my ears than listening to anything. I think I would also love a new jumper as I’m known for wearing the same ones until they hole. I so really need to find new things to listen to as well. With a specific present i got I’m wanting to buy a ring that can wear everyday. The money was from my grandparents and we lost my gran the middle of the month. So something to wear that reminds me of her I think might be nice. I used to alw...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more