Skip to main content

Life goes on


  So today is the day. The day that I gave back our keys to the place we rented. To see every room empty feels like in some way displays how my heart is feeling.
  For all that I have said to everyone that’s asked if I’m still at our flat. No it didn’t feel like a home since the paramedics were in that fait full night. To see it with nothing and to walk away was SO hard. Could thing the sun was out so could hide my water fall of tears that started as soon as I shut the  car door. That made it final.
  The new place is just the same layout but doesn’t feel like I’m just moving to some where exactly the same. There is boxes and bags every where and trying to decide what stays and what goes is the next stage.  I’m so scared that it’s just gonna feel like a widows flat, that I’ve just switched flats and everything’s still the same. I want me to come through in what I own and if that means shopping for new things. Then guess it has to be lol

  The life we had is gone and I now have to work out who I am. I’m not gonna rush anything. If I’ve learnt anything it’s take life at the pace I need, not anyone else.
  Things are always happening, being organised. That my life goes on and yours stopped is what I’m struggling with. But I now that your around and that anything I do I’m doing it for the both of us.

Here’s to life going on one step at a time

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If this week has taught me anything

If this week has taught me anything it’s that the grief monster can hit at any time and totally floor you. That three years feel like just yesterday. And that there is people around to give a hug when needed. So last night in the midst of volunteering it hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears started and it took me a long time to proper calm myself. I’d manage to tell the coach right at the start of the night that i was struggling and that it had been a hard week. That it felt like just yesterday that he’d died and not nearly three years. I’m lucky with the fact that the coach I work with also was my husbands coach so that in itself is a help. I’d managed one class and was more than half way through the second when a shot I threw was called rubbish and one look to the other lady that coaches with me and I was a mess. If I hadn’t of already been sitting on the floor I think I might of ended up there. Luckily for me she also knows my history and shouted on the main coach who got to me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not in the best head space.

So turns out I’ve been battling a mental health episode for at least a three months if not longer and I haven’t been aware. Before anyone questions why I didn’t know what was happening it’s because I typically don’t see what’s happening until I’m at a point that someone goes “WE NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE” It builds up slowly and manifests to a point that I’m really in a negative head space. I’ve learnt this time and the hard way that everything that I thought was happening wasn’t. It was my anxiety and grief having a fight off and I was the looser. Not to forget the ruminations of things that might happen or I might do ( some of those thoughts are hard ) Insomnia Panic that I’m seeing things out corner of my eye that aren’t there Negative thoughts - not good enough etc  Real bouts of sadness Not really wanting to eat - snacking  Racing heart Believing things are wrong with me when they aren’t  Those are only a few of the things that I have been dealing wit...
Post a Comment
Read more

When another blog makes you think

       https://the-true-me.co.uk/index.php/2018/06/26/just-be-you/ When I first read this post it spoke so much to me. Being just a couple of years older a lot of what was written could of been written by me but in the female form.  I’ve let so much define me and given myself so many labels that i have lost track of who I truly am and what I am about. Growing up I didn’t fit in and was bullied and let it define me. I have never seen myself as having friends. No one that I could turn to if I just needed a chat.  One label that until eight years ago I didn’t know I had was mental health sufferer, it’s one I’m glad to have now. It doesn’t define me but it is making me start to accept me.  I’ve tried to please everyone without pleasing myself. I hope that choices I make from now on are for me and not everyone else.  Life’s to short. 
Post a Comment
Read more