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When you look at a photo of yourself


Dear diary

Now I’ve never been one of the skinniest of girls. But there has been times when I’ve caught sight of photos and I’ve been shocked at what I’ve seen and not in a good way.
I’ve never been sporty. Never kept at anything fitness wise. It’s always been sporadic. But over the last couple of years things have totally been let go. The will / want to try and loose some weight, even tone up has just gone.
I’ve gone for the wrong foods and not bothering about myself at all. Seeing a photo today has totally made me sad because even looking at it I still don’t have the true will to change for the better.

It doesn’t usually bother me about my weight I know I’m bigger than the rest of the people around me. The negative thoughts and comments in my brain are in full force and after nearly three weeks the want to self harm is building in strength again.
But those thoughts and comments are always there so it’s nothing different.

You know what I wish. I wish there was someone around to offer encouragement,  help motivate and guide me instead of me doing it totally on my own.

Until the next time

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